There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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