do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize