Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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