at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
