ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize