Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
