I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
