woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize