i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
