I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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