I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
