if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
