Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
