Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
