He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
