Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
