We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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