she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
