You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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