I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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