i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
