If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
