What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
