booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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