i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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