Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
