Whod you bang
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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