do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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