she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
