Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
