so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
