Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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