Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I will pee on everything he values.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
