I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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