Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
