I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
