my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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