the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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