I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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