Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
