this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
