So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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