you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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