he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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