Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
