Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
