i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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