you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
