Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I party with great urgency now.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
dude. I can hear the air.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
