im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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