I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize