i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
