woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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