It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
