Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
