she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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