I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
