OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
