Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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