Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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