U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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