ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
