I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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