my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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