Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
