these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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