I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
