Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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