It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
