i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
