Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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