Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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