do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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