I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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