Im at strip club and am horny
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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