How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
