i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
