Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Houston, we have a blender
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i need some magic done to my vagina
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize