You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
