just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
