I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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