I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
