Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
