i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
