I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
