I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
