my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
