Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
