Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
