see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
