Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
