Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
foreskin is a definite game changer
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
