and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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