she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
