He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it was like eating out sand paper
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
