Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize