I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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