She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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