sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
