I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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