So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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