Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
