Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
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