At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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