i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
